Thursday, April 26, 2012

In Memory of my Appa....

I lost my father one year ago on 27th Apr 2011. Cliched but true, time flies.

I remember the day when he was in the ICU of Appollo hospitals after having suffered two heart attacks. He had ventilators and other tubes running through his mouth and nose due to which he could not talk. The rest of the family was allowed half an hour's visit during which he communicated to us writing on a piece of paper. He wrote 'My daughter is my life and soul'. That was in 2009.After a by-pass surgery he was with us for a year and a half.

Today as I write this I keep getting reminded of that day. In memory of my Appa, I dont know whether to call it poetry or prose - I just wrote what I felt like

 The hands that held me
The day I first cried
Are gone !
The eyes that cautiously monitored
My steps tiny and big
And always welled up, manliness aside
Every time I had to depart
Are gone !
Advice ,Comfort ,Wishes, Blessings
The voice that gave it all
Is gone !
I lean back and I fall
As my pillar of strength
Is gone !
My Inspiration,
My Role Model,
My Friend, Philosopher, Guide
All Gone!
I miss you pa,
I miss you terribly;
There's nothing I can do.
I am helpless,sad,frustrated;
There is a void inside,
Very deep!
Its very painful;
Nothing can seem to fill it.
Every man loves his daughter-
But no man can shower
Any more love than what you did.
I look back and I see
An epitome
Of selflessness and unconditional affection

It hurts that you are no more around
To talk, to laugh, to joke, to hug!
It hurts that you are no more around
To watch my child laugh and play!
It hurts that you are no more around
To beam in pride at the tiniest of my achievements!
It hurts that you are no more around
And I dont need a reason. It just hurts!


What do I do pa?
I scream, I cry!

'Jai, Kutti' I hear an imperceptible voice
Its inside of me, its my dad - To me;

'I am still there

I am in
Every cloud that adorns the sky;
Every butterfly that flutters by;
Every gentle breeze brushing your face;
Every ray of sunshine enclosing you in warmth
Every dew drop that kisses you;
Every breath you inhale;
Every flower that smiles at you;
Every fragrance that wafts in the air;

I am there!
Always around -
Caring , Loving , Protecting'.

Wishing my Appa peace and bliss wherever he is, in whatever form!!!

I love you appa!

36 comments:

  1. ...very deep from the heart...poignant...loving, and what not! A great tribute Jaish! ...made me miss my dad too...

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    1. Thanks Abhyudaya. Thats a nice name. What does it mean?

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  3. A very beautiful and heartfelt tribute, very touching. I lost my dear Father five years ago, so I know exactly what you are going through.

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    1. Thanks Akshay. Now even I have a better understanding of others who have lost someone dear.

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  4. a poignant post. even i miss my dad. was remembering him while reading your post.

    just as a post - it's brilliantly written.

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    1. Thanks a lot Debajyoti. Glad that it kindled memories of your own father.

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  5. thats from the heart and obviously so...

    yes some memories last a life time

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    1. Yes Deeps, the memories last a lifetime and the departed continue to live in our memories. Thanks for the comment

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  6. A very beatutiful, heart touching,eyes-welling post J..Am sure he's watching over you and your family..

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  7. very heart-touching one
    and no matter where he is, i feel he is in peace

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  8. You brought tears in my eyes. A lovely tribute to a wonderful father. I am sure he is seeing you everyday and would be smiling and crying after reading this post of yours.

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  9. Heart warming, we daughters do share a special bond with our fathers... A loving tribute... I feel at a loss of words to comment anything actually...

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    1. Thanks for the comment Arti. True, daughter-father bond is very special and unique...Every girl is a little princess in her father'e eyes

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  10. Seriously After reading this post I am just going speechless...
    The biggest fear in life is losing someone close to us...I can imagine how painful it must be for you!!

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    1. Even I could not really understand why my own mom was so shattered when she lost her own father....Now I am able to relate and understand....

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  11. I lost my dad 12 years ago, I wasn't sure if I would complete my studies at the time.... but by God's grace I did and am doing well. Great post! Made me remember about my dad and what we went through so many years ago!

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    1. Thanks Danny! And its great that you completed your studies though they were troubled times!

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  12. Oh...so so so very poignant.
    Hugs Jayashree.

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  13. heart sobbed and an emotional touch straight from your heart.
    m speechless for giving any comment further......
    very touching ...

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    1. Thanks a lot Jasmeet, Thanks for stepping in!

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  14. Hi Jaish, this is a very touching piece.. I pray that he rest in peace.. and that you stay strong

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  15. Hi Jaish...very touching, i lost my dad 20 yrs ago and really could relate to your feeling...beautiful tribute to ur dad

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    1. Thanks for stepping in and for the comment...No matter how many years pass, memories of our dads will be evergreen i suppose...

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  16. I missed that FB update when you actually posted. Just this morning Srinath told about this.

    Awesome!

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  17. very touching !!! I was actually thinking of and missing my dad when i was reading this ....

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  18. First time here....you made me cry...so touching!! May his soul rest in peace...

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