Sunday, March 2, 2014

That Night

I'm taking part in the Write Tribe Festival of Words -3
The lights from the bungalow seeped through the flora in the surrounding garden and cast strange shadows on the compound walls.

The building occupied half the length of the street, now deserted, as the clock struck ten pm.

A man dressed in a black jumpsuit, with a cap pulled low over his face, leaned against the wall, closely monitoring the happenings inside.

In his carefully chosen spot, he was not at all visible when seen from the bungalow.

Half an hour later, a man of around fifty years of age, came to the porch and sat down to read a book.

A bullet from the silent gun, pierced his book and then his forehead and he slumped forward, dead.

The man in the jumpsuit inconspicuously started moving away and called up his boss from his cellphone.

"The Mr has been killed as requested by the Mrs, boss"

"NO! The Mr had paid for the Mrs to be brought down, you idiot" the boss screamed in fury.



32 comments:

  1. :) typical of your stories Jaish! Unexpected twist at the very end!

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  2. The first line is so well described and the end--destiny decides.
    Very clever twist Jaish !

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  3. That's one twist in the story :) A job gone terribly wrong, wonderful story Jaish :)

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  4. What a story, Jaish, with an ironical ending! The one who orders the shooting gets killed!
    Moral- Order nice things & we will get nice things :)
    At first I thought it was a case of a haunted house :)

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    1. Actually when I started writing, I too thought it sounded like the beginning of a horror story!

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  5. Awesme machi. - kalpana

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  6. SOunds like Victor and Hugo! Nice one!

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    1. Thanks for the comment Danny. I was not aware of Victor and Hugo, till I saw this comment. God bless Google.com :)

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  7. Ha ha well weaved as usual Jaish

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  8. That was just the best example of irony, Jaish :) Well written.

    How come you aren't writing much these days ?

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    1. Thanks Sreeja. I delivered a baby girl just two months ago and that's why this irregularity in posting

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    2. Congrats, Jaish :) I just happened to read your post about the childbirth. Somehow I had missed that from my reading list. Sorry for that, and Congrats on the new arrival, yet again !

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  9. I know that I should feel sorry for the guy who got shot, but I am too busy laughing at the mix-up :D Then again, the Mr. probably deserved it!

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    1. Yes, after all it was his own idea

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  10. Well, the unexpected turn of events could not have been described so well, in so few lines, Jaishree:) Great going!

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  11. Then the Mr completely deserved it! Good one Jaish.

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  12. Nice twist in the tale. I think I read a story by Jeffrey Archer with similar theme albeit a longer one. You are good with these short ones. I am somehow tending to ramble more these days.

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  13. Very intersting twist in the story

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  14. In these nine lines you have brilliantly depicted so many emotions. Very well written.

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  15. Oh! Gosh! She paid to get rid of him. That's chilling but crisp to the hilt:)

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  16. Oops...clever twist! Loved it :)

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  17. Dark humour :D and perfectly 'executed' :D

    Richa

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  18. Oh God!! What a fatal mix-up! :| But he must be deserving it!!

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  19. Haha. Somehow an error took a deserved turn.

    Nice twiist.

    Visiting your blog after ages. :)

    Updated mine. Do drop by.

    Cheers
    CRD

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  20. Ha! he dug his own grave, didn't he? :D
    Short and crisp. A very-Jaish piece of writing. :)

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